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Friday, February 28, 2014

Follow Me Friday - the Smartphone (Conclusion)

Here we are, the end of my first Follow Me Friday month.  Tomorrow I have freedom to once again use my smartphone without restraint.

First, I'm going to delete a whole lot of Twitter accounts from my feed.  Maybe even Twitter itself.

Then, I'm going to check Instagram.  And, to be honest, probably post a bunch of photos I've been hoarding all month.

I'll probably play a few of my games?  But I've found myself downloading more games for Lucy to play this month and I like letting her play for a few minutes at a time more than I like having room for games of my own on my phone.

All in all, I think this was a good experience.  Also - I put off dealing with the Facebook app updates for an entire four weeks!

Ideas on what my next Follow Me Friday focus should be?

Monday, February 24, 2014

May or May Not Monday

I may or may not have started working through my entire Pinterest desserts board the past few weeks to weed out the bad ones (hah!).  Which has included cake batter Rice Krispy treats which may or may not have all been eaten in one gaming session over the weekend with our friends.

I may or may not be serving the exact same menu this week as we did last week.  Finances are tight, I'm burned out on finding new menu ideas, and going gluten-free sounds exhausting at the moment.

I may or may not have gone bra-less most of the weekend b/c my PMS is so bad it has my ahem...chestal area aching.  And this may or may not have included church where I was called up on stage.  And I spent a very uncomfortable seven or eight minutes hoping no one noticed.

I may or may not have finally gotten around to emptying one of the three laundry baskets full of clean laundry that has been sitting there for a month.  We've been working our wardrobe around the items living in those baskets.

We may or may not finally be on the road to potty training.  Still no accidents at home in the past week, so hallelujah praise the Lord.  Now we just have to work on being out of the house without a diaper on the 2 year old.

I may or may not have spent entirely too much time playing Lego Harry Potter this past weekend because I want to try and finish the games on our 360 now that we have a One.  This has no relevance to the place we call real life and isn't constructive at all.  But I still did it.

Join the conversation and share your May or May not Monday links or confessions in the comments.  And be sure to check out Kate's at Alone with Nature, the Heavens, and God. 

Friday, February 21, 2014

Follow me Friday - The Smartphone pt 2

Yes, yes, I was supposed to update you on this last week.  Oh, and the week before.  But life is busy no matter how much extra time you have from giving up Tiny Death Star.

This has been much harder than I anticipated.  I literally had to delete the Facebook app from my phone in order to keep from opening out of habit.  I compromised by accessing it through the web browser when I needed to access messages that held addresses or other pertinent information I needed. 

I have not missed Twitter one whit.  I never realized how much pressure I put on myself to keep up with it.  I've felt the twinge to update now and again, even actually doing so once.  But, It's probably something I could easily live without with the exception of not being able to read Beck's tweets. 

The hardest thing by far has been not having my Instagram account.  I miss seeing the pictures of my nephew.  I miss documenting things like my daughter climbing a tree for the first time.  And I gave in and Instagrammed her singing the ABC song with my husband one afternoon. 

I've been better with the games.  I do access one of mine that requires daily interaction one time a day - right before bed.  But even that has sort of lost its appeal and I may give it up altogether. 

This has been a pretty fruitful experiment thus far and it did push me to interact with the kid more.  I'm looking forward to getting my Instagram back, but I'll be okay with not inundating myself with most of the other apps once March 1st rolls around. 

Any suggestions for next month's challenge?

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Thursday Thoughts - What Makes Your Heart Beat?

1.  Nature - like it says in the video.  It reminds me of God - his power, his creativity, his attention to detail and interest in everything.  His faithfulness.  The smell of the rain or the beat of the sun.  The brush of the breeze or the sound of the ocean.  The peace of the star-filled night or the scent of freshly dug earth.  A constant reminder and encouragement.

2.  Music - often said what you can use to say what's in your heart when you have no words.  I love most types of music (the exceptions may be butt rock and 80's music).  Full of emotion and able to influence subtly.  It can change a mood.  It can lift a spirit.  It can help you run faster or slow down and relax.

3.  Family - which includes people not related to me by blood or law.  The family of my friends who challenge, accept, love, lift up, laugh, cry, live alongside me.  My parents who made me who I am and are encouraging who I'm becoming.  My husband who is part of my foundation, without whom I'd be lost.  And my daughter, who is a light in my life, a constant teacher, and brings laughter everyday.

Monday, February 17, 2014

May or May Not Monday

May or May Not Monday: Where you can divulge the secrets of life's mishaps without feeling like a failure.  So go on...own up.  I may have...

I may or may not have been feeling slightly guilty all week because when my husband had the cold I am just now getting over, I made him do things like clean and go outside the house and leave the couch.  I did nothing but moan, stay on the couch or in bed, and make everyone wait on me hand and foot.

I may or may not have tried to save money by buying all but two vital ingredients for homemade cream of mushroom soup mix and then realized buying those two ingredients would be more than I felt like spending at the moment.  So I bought two cans of cream of mushroom soup for dinner recipes last week.

I may or may not be ready to throw away half of my daughter's toys that we continue to trip on (a common mama complaint, I'm sure).  She still plays with most of them, I'm just ready for them to stop spilling out of boxes, rolling under the couches, and ending up under my feet.

I may or may not have pushed a little too hard this weekend with potty training.  We've had no accidents at home for over a week, but when we went to the library, of course pants were peed.  And I may or may not have gotten a little snippy with the daughter who wanted to jump pantsless, underwearless, out of the car and into the puddles in the library parking lot. 

I may or may not have put off ordering a refill on my anti-depressants for too long so that I've been out since Friday.  I may be feeling a little better without being on them.  But I'm still going to refill them tomorrow although I may or may not have thrown the empty bottle away.

Be sure to check out Kate's May or May Not Monday on her blog: Alone with the Heavens, Nature, and God.  And if you participate, be sure to share the link in the comments!

Monday, February 10, 2014

May or May Not Monday 2/10/14

I may or may not have baked a double recipe of Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies for Stitch n'Bitch last week.  And then opted not to go because it started snowing.  We still have leftover cookies despite having had them out for playgroup on Friday, taken them to an all day gaming session on Saturday, and we've been eating them ever since. I am now heartily sick of bacon.

I may or may not have been sleeping alone in our bed because my husband has a cold and is paranoid about waking me up with his snoring.  He's been on our extra wide, extra long, extra comfy couch in the family room.  Unfortunately, this only makes me stay up later reading because I'm having trouble falling asleep. 

I may or may not have completely lost my temper with our 2 year old after five straight days of having a sick husband at home while trying to potty train and deal with the worst whinyness to ever exit our toddler's mouth thus far.  I made her cry.  Which made me cry.

I may or may not be thrilled that we have four inches of snow because it's the first substantial snow this year.  Even though it may mean MOPS is cancelled tomorrow.  Even though our housing development's streets are a complete nightmare.  I still like it.

I may or may not have gotten miserably behind on the dishes.  We have approximately two loads sitting in the sink and another in the dishwasher waiting to be unloaded.  But I looooooaaaathe unloading the dishwasher.  I know it only takes a few minutes.  And if you say that to me in a perky voice, I may or may not slug you.

I also may or may not be in denial about getting my husband's cold.  Bleh.

Don't forget to check out Kate's May or May Not Monday at Alone with the Heavens, Nature and God.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Thursday Thoughts - What are you recovering from?

If you know me in real life at all, you know that I"m a big fan and supporter of Glennon Melton, the force of nature behind Momastery.  She often says (and I'm citing this as the inspiration for this post) that everyone is recovering from something, most people just don't realize and/or acknowledge it.

So what are you recovering from?

I could put lots of things here.  I'm recovering from a stroke - still.  Sorting through the ways it's changed my life and re-defined "normal".  I tire more often.  It means my doctors are exceedingly hesitant to let me have another kid the biological route.  If I let my energy reserves run too low, my side weakens.  I can't get dehydrated or my stroke symptoms can relapse.  I was diagnosed with depression, and then an anxiety problem.  I found out I'm genetically predisposed to not respond to any drug which will affect my platelet function, including aspirin.  A lot of things changed drastically in my life that day in May.

One thing the stroke brought to light for me that has become apparent the past few months was that I was already in recovery for having a heart condition.  Sure, physically, I'm relatively fine.  But I'm still recovering from not having the sort of life I planned on having.

This is something I think everyone is forced to recover from.  Or at least acknowledge.  All of us had an idea of what being a grown-up was going to be like, and I'm sure as hell that nobody (and I mean not one single person) got precisely what they imagined.  Even if you pictured yourself as a football player winning the Superbowl and you just won the Superbowl, you didn't realize how much work it'd be, how much it would hurt physically, and the things you'd have to sacrifice in order to make time for practice.

When I was younger, I wanted to be a lot of things.  I could never nail down a career idea - heck, I had three majors in college and only settled on the last one because if I didn't pick something I'd be graduating late.  I knew I wanted to be a mom.  And I knew I wanted more than one child.

This is what I'm fighting hardest to recover from lately.  I'll be fine one day and the next it's as if all the air has been removed from my body and I can't remember how to breathe.  I want another child.  I want another child.  I love my daughter and am so thankful for her that it cannot be expressed.  But at the same time, I'll look at her and feel this shockingly immense pain when I realize she may not know the joy of having a sibling.  And it's a problem I don't know how to fix.  I don't know how to recover from this.  I don't know how to adjust my worldview to not include another child in our family.  Or another two children.

Yes, I know there's adoption.  But it's a road we've tried several times, to only end in heartbreak and I don't know if I have enough energy to be recovering from yet another thing.   So I'm being honest that some days I really struggle with feeling trapped and shattered and grieving this thing that isn't even tangible.  It's why I can't hold babies without crying yet and why I might not smile as big as I could when my friends announce they're pregnant.  It's why I sit up until early hours researching pregnancy after a stroke, and alternatives to blood thinner medications.  But I can't talk about it except without using my voice.  Because this recovery hurts so much more than any recovery I've ever attempted before. 

Monday, February 3, 2014

May or May Not Monday - 2/3/14

May or May Not Monday: Where you can divulge the secrets of life's mishaps without feeling like a failure.  So go on...own up.  I may have...

I may or may not have started a trend.  One other parents warn you about.  I may or may not have let our daughter sleep in our bed for part of the night or early morning the past two days.  Once because she got up way too early and it was the only way to keep her quiet.  And last night because she ate way too much at the Superbowl party yesterday and her tummy was upset.  I love letting her sleep in our bed...but only if she sleeps.  And that is most definitely not guaranteed.  She does sleep more soundly in our bed, but we don't.  I have good memories of the safe cocoon of my parents' bed when I wasn't feeling well or was sad or scared.  So I'd like her to have those too.  Unfortunately, last night, it meant relegating DH to the guest bedroom...which I most definitely did not like.

I may or may not have allowed my family have pizza for dinner THREE times last week and therefore we had it for lunch on several days too - including today.  There's a full pizza box of breadsticks and various slices in my fridge - just one of the many aspects of my house that is in desperate need of a good cleaning out, purging, and scrub down. 

I may or may not have worn pajama bottoms most of last week because I've been on a cleaning/re-arranging kick and it's easier to move furniture and bend over fifty thousand times to pick up toys off the floor in sweatpants than it is in jeans or a skirt.  This does mean that I managed to move the computer out of our bedroom without losing my mind or furniture in the process.

I may or may not have started hard core potty training our two year old last Wednesday and Thursday, then let it go until this morning.  So of course, she peed on her beanbag chair this morning.  I may or may not know how to clean pee out of a beanbag chair, so I may or may not have spot cleaned it and hoped for the best.

I may or may not have moved my ukelele out onto my desk, cleaned it, and put it in a prominent place in hopes that it'd motivate me to play it more often.  It's in the exact same spot, untouched since last Tuesday.

Want to join this conversation?  Link your own May or May Not Monday in the comments over at Alone With the Heavens, Nature and God